Struggling

Ok. I am going to admit it I am struggling big time. Yesterday was the anniversay of the last time I spent quality time with my mum. Although I am trying to remain positive and not going to let things get me down, I am not doing very well at it. I have a war going on with myself, I keep thinking I am not going to do that, I cannot do that, take a break from this and that and worst ever is take a break from God.

I cannot take a break from God because He never takes a break from me. How can I even think that. I am battling to spend time with him, reading my bible and more importantly talking to him. I spent about 2 hours sobbing, I had no where or no one to turn to BUT I did I had God and didn't. I have let him down.

I try praying but my mind just wonders straight off I cannot stay focussed. I am fighting the idea of not going to the meetings tomorrow I want to and I don't want. Normally it is hard for me to stay away. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrr I don't like this feeling.

I have got to get through this week. I have to be strong. I feel I am failing. Really really failing. I can put a good front on but deep down I am hurting so much.

I just wish mum was here to hold me soooooooo tight and just never never let me go.

I know Jesus is with me all the time, watching over me, protecting, carrying, loving etc.

Apologies for a negative post but I need to get off my chest.

Luanne